Romans 5:3-5

So as most of you know, I have been studying the book of Romans with a few other friends. Slowly but surely we are getting through it and relaying to one another what we felt the Lord was saying to us through each chapter in His word.

Yesterday I read Romans 5 for the 5th time or so over the last few weeks, I am continually drawn back to Romans 5:3-5. Probably more than anything because it mirrors the part of the book of James that I love, but I also believe that for me, the Lord continues to pull me back to it because of my own personal trials that I continue to face with my seizures. Romans 5:3-5, "And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance, and perseverance proven character, and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."It made me think again about trials/tribulations and how I might allow them to grow me. Remembering that it means to have, as the commentary notes the, 'ability to remain under tremendous pressure and weight without succumbing.'. Sometimes I just want to 'succumb' because I feel so tired and weary, but I'm always grateful for the strength that I feel God gives me when I remember to pray without ceasing and turn to Him, not myself or medical books or medicine, for relief.

Lately I have been trying to remember to be prayerful when I find myself worrying or feeling uneasy. It has helped me a lot. My next step that I want to take is to be more diligent about reading His book. I need to live by my own words when I say that, "...if you pray and don't read and study God's word then you are just talking to God and not listening to what He has to say back to you...." Not that He doesn't speak to us in other ways, but I just know from my own experiences that He speaks a lot louder and more clearly AND more often when I'm in His word. There are many other wonderful pieces within this chapter but that particular part was what spoke to me.

After having sent those above notes to my friends yesterday that are also studying Romans with me, I then later in the day had a terrible outbreak of what I call my "background noise" seizures. I struggled with them for pretty much the remainder of the day. Later in the afternoon I opened my email and read one of the emails that Kris had wrote me back about her own thoughts on Romans 5. She explained how she loved Romans 5:3-5 as well (among many other beautiful notes she made). It made me reflect yet again on what I had studied earlier in the day especially in light of how the rest of my day had gone. I read my own email (the one above) again, and there it was....God speaking to me through His words in Romans 5:3-5.... I had prayed several times throughout the day yesterday and wasn't really in the right frame of mind to think about praying for much more than, "please Lord, make it stop..." When I read Kris's email and then my own again, I think the Lord used them both (mainly with His words) to really put His hand on my shoulder and to comfort me and remind me that there is a reason for it all.

Today is a new day. I have continued to not feel too hot today in terms of my seizures, but I remember to continue to pray and I am off to seek more of His word for guidance and peace. If it were up to me, I would never have another seizure again, but since it is up to God then we will just have to wait and see what He has in store.